In its next column for The Latch, BARE Therapy dives deep into why men seem to want sex more than women, if that’s even true and what you can do to increase or decrease your sex drive.
‘Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus’.
‘Men want success and sex. Women want everything’.
‘Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place’.
There’s no shortage of gender normative quotes detailing the difference between men and women when it comes to wanting sex. But are these steeped in truth or just ‘comical’ hangovers from the last century?
Actually, all of us are built differently and have different levels of desire. These can be impacted by our mental or physical health, with the amount we crave sex fluctuating if we eat poorly or well, work out or stay sedentary, and enjoy life or have depressive tendencies. In fact, even the medication we take can impact our libido and levels of desire.
When it comes to sex hormones, the male sex hormone, testosterone, can be somewhat stronger than the female sex hormones, estrogen, and progesterone. They’re also more balanced for longer — those born with male sex organs tend to have higher levels of desire over a wider span of their life because they’re not following a biological timeline to reproduce.
On the other hand, the female sex hormone can actually reduce desire, leading to us being more selective about our sexual partners. When you think about it, it makes sense — biologically, sex leads to a baby, and we want the father of our child to be responsible. Thus, we’re happy to ‘wait’ before having sex so that we’re sure to do it with ‘the right one’.
That being said, if you are unhappy with your current sex drive, here are some easy ways to increase your libido or, on the flip side, enhance your stamina so you’re getting better quality sex and not constantly craving it when you’re not having it.
Low-to-No Desire for Sex? How to Increase Your Libido
Get Turned on By Life
Happiness in life leads to happiness in bed, so do things that you enjoy, spend time outdoors, practice gratitude, and find joy in the little things.
Eat (and Drink) Well
Healthy foods, lots of plants, and copious amounts of water will have you feeling fantastic. To check your levels and ensure you’re getting all the nutrients you need, ask your doctor for a blood test, and then take vitamin supplements for anything you’re short on.
Spend time getting sexy with yourself. Apply full-body moisturiser and really notice your body as you rub it in, wear the good lingerie just because it’s a Tuesday, write yourself a love note, either digitally or in a notebook.
Whether it’s incidental exercise or a Barry’s Bootcamp class that you leave dripping in sweat, moving your body reminds you what it’s capable of. This makes it easier to get moving in the bedroom, and keeps you limber.
Play With Yourself
Use toys or your hands to pleasure yourself at least once a week. The more you orgasm, the more you’ll desire sex (because of the hormone release at climax), so go for it — no regrets.
Too Sexual? How to Enhance Your Stamina
Change the Temperature
Finish your shower with a two-minute burst of cold water. Not only does this allegedly heighten your immune system and make you more resistant to illness, but it also can shock you into focus, enabling you to stay on track and out of the sheets.
Make a Plan
Willpower dips when you’re tired (hello, Monday morning croissant!), so if you want to increase your stamina and stay out of the bedroom, make a plan to stay alert — go to bed early, schedule a morning coffee catch-up you can’t miss, and remember why you’re doing this.
Long, deep breathing can help control your emotions, including ‘down there’. Next time you’re feeling turned on and don’t want to be, try box breathing: breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, hold for four seconds, repeat.
BARE Therapy specialises in helping clients with all relationships — self, intimate, work, family. Follow for tips and advice: @bare__therapy.