Mathematicians Reckon They’ve Worked Out the Formula for Orgasms

Scientists claim to have found the secret mathmatical formula for orgasms. The science of orgasm suggests men need less mental stimulation than previously thought.

If you’ve ever wondered if there’s a secret formula for bringing your partner to climax, don’t worry, the world’s best and brightest have been on it. What you’ve been doing wrong this whole time? Not enough mathematical equations.

British mathematicians – the sexiest subset of people – claim they have developed the first numerical model for achieving orgasm. Best of all, they’ve published that research in a special issue of a scientific journal aptly titled, Chaos.

“Simply put, our findings can be summarised as ‘don’t overthink it’,” said Dr Konstantin Blyuss, co-lead author on the research from the University of Sussex’s School of Mathematical and Physical Sciences. This advice comes from a man who wrote a scientific paper on it. 

The formula is derived from the use of maths to analyse and improve sporting performance, which husband-and-wife duo Dr Blyuss and Dr Yuliya Kyrychko thought could be brought to bear on orgasms.

Scientists uncover the magic formula for orgasm.
The secret formula for orgasm, as presented by Dr Konstantin Blyuss and Dr Yuliya Kyrychko Image: University of Sussex

Turns out, the two equations for getting there involve taking a reading on how aroused a person is and then multiplying that by the amount of stimulation provided. Subtract how psychologically turned on a person is and you’ve got the secret to a good time.

The study draws on “decades of data on physiological and psychological arousal” on the science of orgasm, notably the Masters-Johnson theory of sexual response, which includes a massive data set of 10,000 sexual acts performed in the lab. They also used data collected from people having orgasms inside fMRI machines. Science has truly gone too far.

The formula however only pertains to men because of course it does. The authors claim that, compared to men, women have much more complex arousal systems that can’t be as easily modelled.

For men, too much psychological arousal early in the process can inhibit the chance of reaching climax. All three factors, physical arousal, psychological arousal, and stimulation, have to be optimised to achieve the desired result, the study says. The authors claim that men being mentally turned on and not overthinking this process is key to the formula for orgasm.

The researchers have said that these findings will give them a good starting point as they embark on their next adventure: finding the mathematical secret to the female orgasm.

“Our findings shed light on a socially taboo subject, which we believe could have useful applications for the clinical treatment of sexual dysfunction, as well as for providing the general public with a tested formula for improving their sex life,” Kyrychko said.  

“With what we have learned from this study, we intend to mathematically model the female sexual response, which is physiologically – and mathematically – more complex than the male response.”  

A study conducted in 2017 by the International Academy of Sex Research found that 95% of heterosexual men “usually or always” achieve orgasm during sex, compared with just 65% of straight women. The ‘orgasm gap’, as it’s known, indicates that the above research may not be addressing the most pressing bedroom desires when it comes to the science of orgasms.

Related: A Definitive Guide to Using a Vibrator During Sex for Truly Mind-Blowing Orgasms

Related: 5 Reasons Why You May Be Unable to Orgasm

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