Amy Gerard: The Best Advice I Give First Time Mums Now That I Have 3 Kids

Remember the person you were before kids? The one who used to love going to the gym after work and then meeting up with their partner for dinner? Maybe you were the one who loved cruising through op shops with your bestie and then having lunch. Waking up early in the morning and going for an ocean swim and sauna before the sun came up. Spending six hours at the shops and actually trying everything on.

My weekends consisted of days/nights away with friends, the races, beach days, birthdays, engagements, family events, long girls’ lunches and nights that turned into mornings with nonstop dancing and laughs.

Then you have a child and the first couple of months hit you like a steaming pile of dog sh*t lit on fire. Everything is all a bit trial and error and you find a new (much slower, barely get out of first gear) pace as you try to find your feet in your new role, and holy sh*t you have an entire human to look after. Where is the manual?

Motherhood is everything you ever wanted, but why does leaving the house feel so terrifying? How come Stephanie with twins was out at a first birthday 24 hours after giving birth? Social media will either fill you with a false sense of security or will make you feel like you are not good enough. You try to keep up appearances and attend ALL OF THE THINGS. If you are anything like me, the baby blues will get you good and you’ll end up locking yourself in the toilets and crying for half an hour because you feel so overwhelmed. What is this new life that you signed up for?

The weight of responsibility will bear down on your shoulders 24 hours a day. Keeping a human alive truly is a full-time job, with no sick leave or days off. There are no set hours by which you can check out and arrive back when you are well-rested. That’s why making time for yourself is of the utmost importance.

If you are reading this as a first-time mum, you’ll wonder how? How do you leave a baby who needs you so much? Who craves your touch and your smell. Who only settles in your arms. As a third time Mum, I can promise you a few hours’ reprieve is worth its weight in absolute gold when it comes to motherhood.

I remember a midwife saying to me, ‘if only third time mothers birthed their first child’ — the things you would do differently. ONLY as a third time Mum can I tell you that prioritising yourself first pays dividends in the way you will raise your child. That looking after your mental health is paramount and will help you more than you can imagine on your journey. Stepping out for a few hours to regain a sense of calm, peace and restore your sanity will do wonders for you as a human being but also as a mum too!

I rarely left Charli in her first year of life (except for my 30th birthday that I attended for a few hours and had to leave early because my tits almost exploded off my chest). I was riddled with guilt at the thought of leaving her, even though my mum is literally Mother Theresa and would beg to take her for a few hours for me.

I was so attached to her. So protective. Every part of me ached for her when I wasn’t there. I was her everything but in the same breath, I wasn’t looking after myself. I put all my needs and wants behind hers which is so normal and to be expected as a first time Mum, but it’s only after having Bobby and being able to step away for a few days/nights that I realised that not only (granted they are being cared for by loving family/friends/babysitters) did my kids enjoy the break from us, but also that recharging the batteries turned me into a LORD parent with a refilled glass of patience and made me miss my kids like ABSOLUTE MAD.

The rat race can get so tedious. Sometimes it feels like you are on a really cool rollercoaster and other times, it’s terrifying and overwhelming and your whole body aches from being so exhausted and stepping off to regather yourself is an absolute gamechanger.

Now that I’ve become a total professional at self-care, I probably take the piss a little bit too much, but I’m very lucky to have three sets of incredible grandparents who love to spend time with my kids and vice versa. Now, I spend my time encouraging other mums to prioritise themselves first. Doesn’t mean you have to go out drinking and dancing like an 18-year-old with an intact uterus like I choose to do. It could mean spending the morning at the beach, reading a book. Or going for a massage with your best friend followed by a long lunch. Whatever it is that fills your cup, do that… and do it often. Not only will you feel so much better, but your kids will reap the benefits of having a recharged, happy, and well-balanced mum.