Welp, that was fast. On Monday nights episode of Married at First Sight, recent additions Jaimie Gardner and Chris Jensen decided they simply could not wait for the next commitment ceremony before bailing on the experiment — shocking exactly zero people.
After a wedding during which Jaimie complained that Chris wasn’t her type and a honeymoon that saw her interrogate him about his personal hygiene like some sort of deranged COVID marshall drunk on their own imaginary power, it came as quite a relief to see lovely Chris stand up for himself and flat out refuse to take anymore of his wife’s bullsh—t. Yes! You go Glen Coco!
The pair — who entered the experiment as a “secret” couple — apparently had an altercation the morning of their move into their nuptial digs, after Jaimie suggested to Chris that they just fake it for a few more days until they could both vote to leave.
According to Chris, Jaimie even told him to stop being so nice to him so that she could look like less of a “b—ch”. This girl doesn’t need a meaner husband to look like less of a villain, but a lobotomy should do the trick…
When a producer asked the two what the tension was about, the whole thing fell apart like some poorly assembled Ikea furniture with Chris taking back his power and deciding that he doesn’t associate with liars and could no longer be around the person the experts had thought would be good for ratings, I mean him.
While I think it is safe to say we shall all miss Chris and his abs, few people are probably sad to see Jaimie (who makes Beck look like the freaking Dalai Lama) head for the hills in search of a university-educated yachting enthusiast who is blessedly facial piercing free.
In honour of these two crazy kids and their ill-fated shot at love, may we present to you: A List of Things That Have Lasted Longer Than Jaimie and Chris.
The almond milk currently in my fridge.
The rainstorms in New South Wales.
Gen Z’s penchant for saying “lit” and “AF”.
Half price Jimmy Choo shoes at a Boxing Day sale.
The word “encyclopedia”.
My current toothbrush.
A series of sneezes in peak allergy season.
Any of Kim Kardashian’s marriages.
The NBN whenever it rains, or is sunny, or is a day of the week.
A manicure where you leave the salon immediately instead of putting your hands in that UV thing.
An accidental Instagram story taken by someone over the age of 50 who presses the white circle just a smidge too long.
Any avocado, ever.