“Buckwild Pandemonium” — Recapping the Third Week of ‘The Block’ as Poetry

Joel Burrows is a poet who has been published by CorditeGoing Down Swinging, and Stilts Poetry, amongst others. He’s also a huge fan of The Block. In this series, Block-etry, Joel recaps each episode of The Block’s 2023 season. Please enjoy his breakdown of The Block’s third week and who won last night, August 27.

The Block – Episode 10

Part One

“I’m feeling like
I have no will to live.”

A quote from Leah,
After completing
The last Barbarossa
Death march of 1942.

A quote from Leah
After her husband
Fell in love with
ChatGPT and abandoned
Her and nine children.

A quote from Leah
After insulting a wizard
And being transformed
Into a pile of roombas.

Oh, I have a note
From my producer!

A quote
From Leah,
After losing
Week two
Of The Block.

Part Two

My dudes, you never know
What’s under your floorboards.

Houses four and five
Were built from unsafe pine.

Eliza asks foreman Keith
To explain the difference
Between nails and a screw.

Next time on The Block?
Buckwild pandemonium. Get hyped.

The Block – Episode 11

If the walls of
Who Wants to be a Millionaire
Started to crumble, there would
Be vigils in the streets.

If the roof of the
Bachelorette mansion collapsed,
Then Albo himself
Would hunt down the architect
And shiv him straight into purgatory.

On The Block,
Both of these
Things happened.

For me, it was a
Regular Tuesday.

This episode scores
Five golden stars and an Emmy.

The Block – Episode 12

“A disaster of a day.”

A quote from
The Block’s foreman or
This Block’s oracle.

“We don’t want rain
Coming through those ceilings.”

In response, Ash gobbles
Up some noodles for lunch.

The Block – Episode 13

Part One

The rain is raining all around.

It drowns Leah and Ash.

It crawls through their house,
Like a bear hunting for Cheetos.

Their ceiling cracks.
Their floor, an oasis.

They are now trapped in the
Middle of the Angel of Death’s
Annual wet t-shirt competition.
Leah is weeping, while Ash paints.

The rain is raining all around,
And these parents
Didn’t weatherproof this house.

Later on,
They scored
Last place,
Yet again.

Their work from
Home space,
Didn’t double
As a fourth bedroom.

The rain is raining all around,
And Leah’s 4K grief
Plus sweat is now
In Channel 9’s vault for eternity.

What a slay.

Part Two

Dear Gian and Steph,
The judges simped your
Work from home space.

Who won The Block last night?
This is your second win in a row.

Your couch was
Softer than flesh,
And the room’s timbre desk
Was somewhat practical.

Dear Gian and Steph,
I know that this
Season of The Block
Was filmed Back in March,
But I cannot help but feel
Like I’ve been assisting you
Two win these victories.

That you somehow received
My letters and advice back in Jan.

Dear Gian and Steph,
If this is the case,
Please send me $10,000.

Much love.

The Block drops on Sundays through to Wednesdays on Channel 9 and the 9Now app.

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