Melodrama and Moss Walls — Recapping the Fourth Week of ‘The Block’ as Poetry

Joel Burrows is a poet who has been published by CorditeGoing Down Swinging, and Stilts Poetry, amongst others. He’s also a huge fan of The Block. In this series, Block-etry, Joel recaps each episode of The Block’s 2023 season. Please enjoy his breakdown of The Block’s fourth week and who won the guest bathroom reveal.

The Block — Episode 14

Part One

“You haven’t put your
Life on the line here,
You haven’t left your family.”

A quote from Leah,
After becoming a ghost.
Confronting the
Zookeeper who pressured
Her to poke that gorilla.

A quote from Leah,
It’s from her
Latest Civil War novel.

Oh, I have a note
From my producer!

A quote from Leah,
She yelled it at
Two of her tradesmen.

“You haven’t put your
Life on the line here,
You haven’t left your family.”

These words crackled
Through our TV screens.

She claimed that these
Didn’t care about her build.

That they allowed her
Home to get waterlogged.

Leah, the bourgeoisie,
Honour, slipping through fingers.

“You haven’t put your
Life on the line here,
You haven’t left your family.”

A quote from Leah, being cringe.

Part Two

It’s a Monday night.
Eliza and Liberty
Aren’t measuring tapes.

Nor do they know
The difference
Between nails and screws.

These sisters dream
Of moss walls.

They speak in moss walls. 

They eat moss walls
Every lunch and second dinner.

They will even put a
Moss wall in the bathroom
That they are currently
Week four renovating.

“It’s dead,
It was alive,
But it looks
The same
Dead as alive,
You don’t have
To water it,
It lasts 15
Plus years,
It’s bacteria
Dust resistant,”
Explains Eliza.

What a beautiful dream.

May we all speak
In moss walls
Before the decade’s over.

Let’s hope their
Moss bathroom blooms.

Part Three

Lovers, pals,
What a heck of a ride.

Near the end of
Episode 14,
Scotty Cam’s
Head emerges from
Under my doona cover,
Like a brown snake.

Leah and Ash
Give their builders
A 16-year-old
Bottle of scotch.

Do they like it?
Or are they
Just playing it up
For the arc?

Coming soon to The Block:
A break dancing competition.

Tying up
Loose ends isn’t easy.

Scotty Cam exits
Through the
Window he came from.


The Block — Episode 15

What happens
When you’re eighty,
And your mobility
Scooter flips over?

Does anyone
Remember you
After you die?

This is a query
That both
Kristy and Brett
Must confront.

As The Block
Has all but forgot them.
They have faded
Into the ad breaks.

However, as Emily Dickinson
Said on Love Island,
“Hope is the thing with feathers.”

In Episode 15,
Someone stole their bricks,
Kristy munted their car.

What excellent luck.

Can they keep
This momentum up?

Will they make
Sour grapes wine?

Kristy and Brett,
It’s time to
Make a name for yourselves.

It’s time for your egos to die.

Get that bag, babes.

Get that whole rat-ratty bag.

The Block — Episode 16

The breadth and height
Of this universe
Is over 13.8 billion years old.

Channel 9,
I can care so
Very deeply
About The Block.

Perhaps, I can
Care a little too deeply.

However, I cannot care about
A breakdancing competition
Inside the confines of The Block.

I’m sorry, but
This episode
Is beyond critique.

I’m going to leave now and
Make Mitre 10 love with my wife.

The Block — Episode 17

Part One

“I just don’t
Understand it.
I can’t get my
Head around it,
I really can’t.
What is it?”

The moss wall
Stands before
The three judges.

“I feel like
Taking a bit off
And spreading it
On my soup
This evening.”

The moss wall
Stays silent,
Plotting its revenge.

“Don’t you dare
Say you love it,
For goodness’ sake,”
Says the blonde
Judge to the
Moustached judge. 

“It’s grown on me,” replies
The moustached judge.
“It has benefits. It filters the air.”

The moss wall beams.
It will grant this judge
Three wishes on his deathbed.

The three judges
Then leave the moss
Wall to its business.

They later make
It tie for last place.

Part Two

“You haven’t put your
Life on the line here,
You haven’t left your family.”

After screaming at
The working class,
Leah and Ash score a W.

What a classic tale.
Papa Moneybags, be proud. 

Who won The Block’s bathroom reveal?

Chug that 16-year-old bottle of scotch.

As the French binge, C’est la vie.

The Block drops on Sundays through to Wednesdays on Channel 9 and the 9Now app.

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