Garfield Vs Mondays — Recapping the Tenth Week of ‘The Block’ as Poetry

Brett on The Block.

Joel Burrows is a poet who has been published by CorditeGoing Down Swinging, and Stilts Poetry, amongst others. He’s also a huge fan of The Block. In this series, Block-etry, Joel recaps each episode of The Block’s 2023 season. Please enjoy his breakdown of The Block’s tenth week and what happened on Sunday night.

The Block — Episode 38

Part One

In Melbourne, on Charming Street,
There is a house that doubles
As the catacombs on the weekends.

It belongs to Kyle and Leslie,
Two adults who died in the backseat of
My car with the windows wound up.
An act that I feel somewhat guilty about.

Yesterday, three judges walked
Through two of the catacomb bedrooms.

One belonged
To a young boy who
Liked basketball.

He had two
NBA posters taped
Above his TV.

“I’d probably take the posters
Stuck on the wall off,” said one judge.
“I would put them in a frame.”

Another judge agreed, “Sorry, but this is
Unacceptable from a selling perspective.”

However, it’s now a Tuesday,
and the Angel of Death is now here. 

They are sweeping
Through the wreckage.
They are here to
Perform a sick eulogy.

The Angel of Death has
Brought along her sister.

A builder known as Liberty, a woman
Who finds the bodies of Kyle and Leslie.

She stumbles upon them.
Two lovers who’ve been
Taped to a wall by the judges.
Intertwined above the TV.

“They actually got,
Like, crucified,” says Liberty.

“I’m so angry,” says the Angel of Death.

Damn, what a eulogy.

So short, and so sick, and so sweet.

Part Two

Dear Gian and Steph,
I’m writing this letter to you
From my living room,
Next to a jar of dried flowers.

On October 11,
I learnt that Steph’s
Grandfather had
Fallen over and
Was in a terrible way.

I’m not sure if he
Had broken anything
As he toppled,
But Steph was crying
After this call ended.

I just wanted to
Pass on my condolences.

Back in September,
My grandma broke her arm,
And she’s still in hospital. 

I’m getting married in
Nine days, and I’m
Very worried about her.

I’m worried about her travelling
From Brisbane, all the
Way south down to Wollongong.

Dear Gian and Steph,
I’ll be praying for you two.

Make sure to
Hold each other on
These short nights,
And good luck.

The Block — Episode 39

Part One

Friends, lovers,
I have a confession,
I’m not going to lie.

I chucked an
8.30 tantrum tonight.

I went into my study,
And threw all my
Block notes into the air.

I fumed as they
Rained down like snow.

It’s bathroom week
On The Block again,
It’s always bathroom
Week on The Block.

Not even Sisyphus was cursed
To write about 500 bathtubs.
He just rolls a rock and gets swole.

When will it
Be b
anquet hall week
On The Block?

Or how about a
Sky lobby week?

When will it be
Panopticon week?
Foucault week?
Circular prison week?

As my papers scattered and
Crawled across my study floor,
A reflection of Scotty Cam
Appeared in my bruised blue window.

“It’s always panopticon
Week on The Block,”
Scotty Cam whispered.

“It’s always
Panopticon week
On The Block.”

“You just haven’t realised it yet,
As you are now one of the guards.”

He then exited,
And I was left
Alone in the snow.

However, I was still fuming. 

He didn’t mention
Banquet hall week. 

He didn’t detail
Why that’s not
A feasible possibility.

What a cruel and unusual joke.

Part Two

It’s the end of the
Arvo, and the haggard
Producer is necking a plate
Of raw oysters and lobster in
His sunsetting Block office.
His Bloffice, if you will.

He calls himself
A sly old fox, he
Commemorates his victory.

But why? 

What has made the
Haggard producer
Smile like a legion of rats?

Well, he’s
A manifestation.
His series is a
Drama again.

Earlier, in tandem
With Rosy
Fingered Dawn,
The producer
Rose from his king.

He bought a bunch
Woman’s Day magazines
From his local post office.

Magazines filled to the brim
With quotes from his contestants.

Magazines where his
Contestants talked trash.

“We wish we
Never met them.”

“They ruined our first win.”

Like the Easter Bunny, he laid
These magazines around the film set.
He waited for his eggs to go off.

Which they did.
Before each team
Could get to work,
The film set
Flooded with yoak.

Raw, yellow,
salmonella yoak. 

“Are you joking?”

“So weird.”

“We wish we
Never met them.”

“What the
F**k is that?”

Said that.”

“They ruined our first win.”

The haggard producer
Inspects his final
Oyster and then smiles. 


This season WILL
Be nominated for a Logie.

This season WILL
Be classified as a drama.

Either that,
Or this haggard producer
Will die trying. 

His lobster goes
Straight in the bin.

Part Three

On episode 39 of The Block, a
Camera lingers on a bush of
White roses, blowing in the wind.

Are they waving
To the audience?

Or is it just a
Bunch of white roses?

I do not know,
I’m not a botanist.

Today, I am
But a humble poet. 

The white roses are waving
To the audience.
They are blowing in the wind. 

A moment of pure straight vibes.

And tranquillity. 

On episode 39 of The Block, a
Camera lingers on a bush of
White roses, blowing in the wind.

I am free.

Part Four

In loving memory of
Gabriel Kapetanellis,
Steph’s grandfather.

The year was 1933,
And 2023 isn’t quite over.

Gabriel Kapetanellis,
My good stranger.
Gabriel Kapetanellis,
Rest, rest in peace.

The Block — Episode 40

It’s Alien


Joel Burrows
Versus That Sharp
Corner of the Couch
Late in the Night.

In a banal meeting
About pool installation,
House Two and
House Three go off cap.

Ash: “Who’s
Your waterproofer?”

Brett: “The boys.” 

Leah: “Our boys.”

Ash: “No, they
Won’t fit you in.”

Ash: “You haven’t spoken
To me for two weeks,
And you can’t even ask
Me to use my waterproofer.”

Kristy: “I didn’t
Organise a waterproofer.”

Ash: “I’m just
It’s not our guys.”

Kristy: “You’re ”
Being a b*tch, Ash,”

Kristy: “Shut the f**k up.”

Kristy: “I want
Nothing from you.”

Ash: “Where not
Even here.
You don’t even see us.”

Kristy: “Is it really eating you
up inside that we’re not talking?”

Ash: “Yeah, it’s annoying me.”

However, Leah
Then interrupts things
By saying, “Let’s go.”

However, Ash,
The man doesn’t move.

He stands still:
Both the brown bear
And 9000 salmon.

The river shifts,
And it shimmers.

It runs between him,
The elks, and cold feet.

The Block — Episode 41

Oh father, do not forgive me.

I was too sad for
The Block Sunday night. 

I didn’t stream it,
I didn’t plug in
My old-school TV.

I instead played
Candy Crush:
Until I felt numb,
Until I sunk into
A catatonic state.

Yesterday, was
Election date,
It was October 14.

I voted in the referendum,
Ate a democracy sausage,
And beheld a vista of violence.

Soil, made of empathy,
Slipped through our fingertips.

Australia forsook a
First Nations Voice to Parliament.  

Over 60% voted “No.”

I played Candy Crush, lamented,
And felt like my vote did nothing, like
The history textbooks won’t change.

NT mothers will continue
To die with nine month bellies.

The WA boys will go to prison. 

Beautiful enbies
Will freeze in
The homeless wind.
They’ll crave warm
Milo among the streets.

Australia, my stolen home,
It will remain exactly the same.

Eliza and Liberty.

You have won the
Fourth and final
Bathroom week
Of this year’s Block.

What a win.

God bless
This October 15.

The Block drops on Sundays through to Wednesdays on Channel 9 and the 9Now app.

Want more Block competition details this 2023? Read all of our coverage here, and click the links below:

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