Sex Before Marriage — An Antiquated Choice or the Right Thing to Do?

Farmer Wants a Wife premiered on Sunday after a four-year-hiatus and to say it started with a bang — or lack thereof — would be an understatement.

No sooner had we met the single women looking for love, we were given our first candid confession of the season — a 23-year-old- who had chosen to abstain sex before marriage.

Sarah, an environmental consultant — who has been matched with Farmer Alex — announced that she was a proud Christian and believed in abstaining due to her faith.

The admission was met with a few opinions, namely disdain, when she announced that she wouldn’t tell Alex unless it “came up”, however, it was the reaction on Twitter that was most surprising.

Fans were quick to give their two cents, with some backing Sarah for her choice, while others went as far as telling Alex “to run”.

So, why is Sarah’s decision to not have sex before marriage so polarising?

In some religions and cultures, sex before marriage is seen as a sin — however, for a wider community who don’t practice this, the notion of waiting until marriage can be seen as antiquated.

“Most couples are happy to have sex before marriage,” Dr Karen Phillip, counselling Psychotherapist and relationship authority said in an interview with TheLatch—.

“It prevents a fast courtship and pressure to marriage to be able to have sex. We, as humans, are designed to enjoy sexual intercourse. It strengthens bonds and intimacy. Sex before marriage has always occurred, even if many did not admit it.”

The decision whether to abstain or not to abstain boils down to “self-belief of what is right, wrong and acceptable,” she says.

For example, the way we are raised often has an impact and can be another reason we abstain from sex until we know there is commitment.

Those raised in strict or religious homes may either follow what they have been taught or will test the waters and step outside acceptable behaviour secretly.

Similarly, those not enjoying sex are often taught how bad it is and can fear to indulge in any sexual behaviour.

But there is a very good reason why people will try it out beforehand.

“Sex prior to marriage allows the couple to understand the requirements of their partner, Dr Philip said.

“Couples need to fit together sexually and if needs and requirements (or fetishes) are not conducive, the relationship won’t work long term.”

When it comes to the negatives of having intercourse with your partner before a signed, sealed and delivered commitment, Dr Philip said there’s aren’t many at all.

“Sure you may not hold yourself for just your husband or wife, but enjoying sexual partners is part of who we all are. It can be negative if you have experienced a great lover in the past but are now in a new loving relationship and your current partner is not as satisfying — so a comparison can become the issue instead.”

According to Dr Philip, “sex is a good, healthy part of development and life, provided it is done safely and with a person not already in a committed relationship. It is more acceptable now for both men and women to enjoy multiple partners.”

Dr Karen Philip Is Regarded As One Of Australia’s Prominent Relationship And Parenting Authorities And Leading Clinical Hypnotherapist. By using a variety of specific therapies designed for each person enables transformation, growth and re-connection. Find out more about her here.

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