I Lived in Australia’s “Best Place to Live” — Don’t Believe the Hype

According to The Australian, NSW’s Kiama is the most liveable town in Australia. Which, on paper, makes a tonne of sense. It has two picturesque beaches. Every green hill looks like a milk commercial. It has the most erotic doughnut shop in Australia, Moist ‘N’ Glazed. 

Moist 'N' Glazed logo.
Image: Moist ‘N’ Glazed

What’s more, The Australian stated that Kiama’s average income, overall wellness, and entrepreneurial spirit is above average. They even gave this joint a nickname, they called it Can-do Kiama.

Yet, while Kiama is great, it’s not the best place to live in Australia. Trust me, I used to chill there. In 2014 and 2015, Kiama was both my prison and my home.

So, what’s so bad about Kiama, huh? What makes Kiama not the best place to live in Australia? Well, let me tell you. Here’s what’s holding it back.

Kiama Is a Nightmare to Traverse

A hill in Kiama.
Image: Unsplash

When I lived in Kiama, I didn’t have a car. This meant that I had to do a one-hour walk to the train station each day, three times a week. I’d also have to walk back.

And, normally, this wouldn’t be an issue. I’m a walking simp. I love to use my leggies on the reg. However, in Kiama, all of its many hills are steeper than Mount Doom. This meant that I arrived at every date and work meeting a puddle of unhappy sweat.

Additionally, having a car doesn’t make traversing Kiama much easier. If you were to drive down Terralong Street during the summer, you’ll be traffic jammed between tourists for literal years.

Overall, Kiama wasn’t built with traversal in mind. It was instead built to look pretty.

The Beaches Are Gnarly

Kendalls Beach in Kiama.
Image: Unsplash

As previously stated, Kiama has two beaches. One is called Surf Beach, and the other’s called Kendalls Beach. But, be that as it may, both of these beaches are dumpers. If you’re not super careful, these boys will have you scrapping on the bottom of the sea.

Now, this isn’t always a problem. Like most folks, I sometimes like Greek wrestling the ocean. However, after a long day’s work, I’m usually chomping for chill waves. And Kiama can’t offer me that.

Kiama Is the Home of My Arch-Enemy

A seagull.
Image: Unsplash

In 2020, before COVID-19 ruined everything, I travelled to Kiama to see my friend Billy. It had been a while since I had vibed with this mate of mine so I was stoked. We ordered some Dominos. We went to the Ocean Pools. We dipped our feet in the water and ate a $5.00 pepperoni pizza. 

For a moment, for a rock-solid moment, this memory was on the precipice of being perfect. It could have been a memory that sustained me through lockdowns. Yet, as we sat there, a seagull stole a slice of our pizza. No, not a chip. It stole my sacred pepperoni from me.

Therefore, not only is Kiama the home of my arch-enemy, but it’s also the home of Australia’s meanest seagull. I can’t recommend that you move there while its wings shroud the streets.

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