I Tried to Write a Story About Crystal Dildos — and Here’s What I Discovered

I pitched a story to my editor about crystal pleasure wands, and I had every intention to write a factual article that explained what they are, all about their proposed health benefits, and their assumed positive impacts to one’s sexual state of being.

I’ve seen people rave about crystal dildos; people whose self-care advice I have taken before, but I just don’t think I can get around them, hey? Sorry to my editor — this is not the story she imagined. But then again, it’s not the story I imagined either.

After just a few minutes of research, I’m shocked by everything that could be wrong with this sexual trend and am quite honestly surprised it’s taken off the way it has. I’m aware there’s a growing movement around crystals for their “healing properties” or alleged ability to perform otherworldly balancing acts on mood, spirituality and then some, but I’m a person who follows CSIRO on Instagram and would prefer to implement scientifically-backed and proven healing tools in my own life, thank you very much.

Crystals, if sourced ethically and sustainably (there’s a question for you: do you know where yours come from?) hurt no one and I’m not here to knock anyone that believes in a crystal’s ability to bring them whatever it is they seek, but what happens when putting a crystal inside you could actually be bad for your vagina?

As pretty as it looks, crystal by nature is a porous material. This means that with tiny holes all over, bacteria, mould and micro-organisms can find their way into the object and multiply, even when topically washed with soap and water.

Jessica Shepherd, MD, and ob-gyn told Women’s Health: “With more bacteria and/or mould, this can create a host of issues with vaginal infections and changing the balance of natural flora,” Shepherd explains, adding. “That may lead to irritation, infection, and inflammation in the vaginal spaces.”

Most commonly, the best dildos and other sex toys are made from non-porous body-safe or medical-grade silicone, which means they can be cleaned properly and will not harbour nasty bacterias that can harm your vaginal balance and cause thrush or bacterial vaginosis.

If I’m honest, the more I look into crystal dildos, the more I’m certain to never buy one for myself. I’m not willing to risk a yeast infection for their proposed balancing properties and I’m not blind to the unjust conditions and unethical practices that surround the way crystals are mined, often by children.

Quite frankly, I think if more people knew about this, they may never buy them again — dildos or decorative. I’m going to leave this incredible exposé here from The Guardian called Dark crystals: the brutal reality behind a booming wellness craze.

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