Twitter Rant Reveals Why Your Salad Always Sucks (and How to Fix It)


It’s a tried and tested fact that salads are always better when they’re made for you by other people. Try as you might to replicate your favourite cafe salad, but it’ll never be as tasty as the one that costs you $23. Sorry.

We had more or less accepted our fate of paying an arm and a leg for a good bowl of salad or eating mediocre desk salads that lacked pizzazz and flavour, but one man’s Twitter rant is here to change all that.

Elan Gale, producer of the US The Bachelor and apparent salad extraordinaire, took to Twitter on Wednesday with a nine-part essay explaining why your homemade salads always end up “dull and flavourless”, and suggesting a number of ways to improve them.

Elan Gale’s “very important” salad tutorial

Season your ingredients

Salt and pepper is not an afterthought to be applied to the whole salad at the end, but rather should be sprinkled across specific ingredients.

“You’re forgetting to SEASON your ingredients, acting like the DRESSING is all that matters. Cucumbers and tomatoes need SALT and PEPPER. Avocados need CITRUS. Act as if you were going to eat each ingredient individually,” Gale says.

Spruce up your leaf selection

According to Gale, boring lettuce is the base of a disappointing salad. “You’re using BORING lettuces. MIX IT THE F*CK UP. Use some arugula, use field greens, use romaine hearts, use frisée. Mix all your greens together!”

Spice is nice

Foods with a kick are a welcome addition to any salad lacking that special something, says Gale.

“Don’t be afraid to use things with FLAVOR and SPICE! Have you ever heard of RADISHES? JALAPEÑOS? Add some damn SPICE in there!”

Don’t hold off on herbs

He’s not wrong. Herbs are key and we cannot believe it took this thread for us to come to this realisation.

“HERBS! Why aren’t you using herbs? Use whatever herbs you can find! Parsley, cilantro, chervil, nasturtium, basil, and and all of it. STOP NOT USING HERBS”

For the love of God, feta

If you don’t like feta you are wrong. It might actually be that simple.

“FETA CHEESE! What, you don’t like feta cheese? Do you not like FLAVOR? Get outta here with that nonsense. Don’t be putting cold flavorless shredded mozzarella like you’re a CoCo’s. Use flavorful cheese. At room temperature!”

Do better on dressings

Here’s something you never have to buy from the supermarket again. Homemade salad dressings taste way better and are cheaper to make at home.

“Let’s talk DRESSINGS. You need olive oil, you need vinegar (all types are fine), you need CITRUS, and you need an agent that will HOMOGENIZE THE REST! What do you think I’m going to say now!?,” Gale says.

Play around with different ingredients

Gale suggests raiding your fridge and pantry for unconventional ingredients. Think spices, leftover veggies, anything!

“HORSERADISH. You don’t like horseradish? LEARN TO LIKE IT. You still don’t like it? MUSTARD. MINCED GARLIC. A LITTLE BIT OF HONEY. TABASCO! Who gives a shit. Try stuff. Add flavors. Try new things! Use THAI FISH SAUCE!”

Gale’s “very important” salad thread has been echoed by literally thousands. The Tweet that kicked off his rant has since received over 101,000 likes while celebrities and public figures alike have shared his posts with praise.

Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver wrote: “Yes! All of this,” while Chrissy Teigan Tweeted, “Beautiful thread. Would also like to add the addition of dried fruits or berries like pomegranate seeds or sour cherries.”

You heard the man. This is your year. Exciting salads 2020.

Read more stories from TheLatch— and follow us on Facebook.