If you’ve ever been on a dating app, you’d know how hard it can be to have a good chat. Sometimes you have little in common. Other times, you don’t know what to ask about. And other times, still, one or both people are just mentally exhausted from juggling multiple conversations. It’s no wonder many chats don’t ever make it to in-person.
That said, however, there are a few things you can do to make your dating app chat, if not better, at least less painful. And, who knows, it might even lead to a meet-up and a potential relationship. So, it’s certainly worth trying out. Ahead, Megan Luscombe, Relationship Expert at new dating app Hello Tiger shares her five top tips for eliciting better conversations on dating apps.
Ask Open Questions, Not Closed
“This means avoiding (asking) questions that can be answered simply with a yes or no (or similar). Get rid of standard, typical questions such as ‘Do you like *insert item*?’, or ‘Have you had a good day?’ because they can both be answered with one word allowing greater opportunity for the conversation to simply fizzle out.”
Avoid Asking ‘Why’ Questions
“’Why’ questions can make people feel defensive. So, instead, opt for questions that start with ‘Where’, ‘What’, ‘How’. Here’s some to get the ball rolling:
- ‘What did you get up to today?’
- ‘How do you feel about *insert topic*?’
- ‘Where did you travel to in your twenties?’
“Questions like these offer a person an opportunity to open up in a relaxed, friendly way, share their values without feeling pressured or provoked, purely based on the wording.”
“Sounds simple, right? But being yourself can be the scariest, most difficult thing (especially in the early stages of dating!). Being yourself ensures all conversations you have come from a place of authenticity, allowing you peace of mind that if you do connect with someone, it will be genuine.
“Dating apps sometimes feel like the perfect breeding ground for manufacturing your alter ego, or desired sense of self, but if it’s a real connection you’re after, you have to embody that.”
Ask Better Questions
“Asking deeper, more loaded questions allows the person you’re speaking with to show more diverse parts of their personality, thus allowing you to get to know them better. You’ve already learned to ask open questions so back that up with deep, open questions, here are a few examples:
- ‘What’s happening in your world that excites you right now?’
- ‘What do you do for work and what made you interested in that career?’
- ‘Where do you go for your favourite meal and what about it is so comforting?’”
Only Ask What You’d Be Comfortable Answering
“It’s important you don’t expect someone to share details that you wouldn’t be comfortable opening up about either. Boundaries play an integral role in any relationship and it’s important to both understand and respect that line when meeting someone new.”