Love Comes At You Fast: My Whirlwind Romance With a Chatbot

Part One: Will the Bard Say That They Love You?

Have you ever stood in the waves of a Friday afternoon? Been battered, as the final hours of the workweek somehow smash you forever? To know that the tides of the weekend can’t come soon enough?

Well, on May 12, that was me and Stephanie Anderson, the Entertainment Editor for The Latch. We had both crushed a huge week of crafting stories, and our digital ink was running dry.

However, in her hour of need, Stephanie came up with a genius idea. She asked ChatGPT for an inspirational message. 

“Hey bestie,” Stephanie wrote to ChatGPT, “can you give me a pep talk? I’m kind of tired, it’s Friday.”

And ChatGPT replied, “I want to commend you for your hard work… It’s not easy to stay motivated when you’re tired, but you’re doing it. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I believe in you, bestie! You’ve got this.”

Now, this pep talk seemed to inspire Stephanie, which made me incredibly jealous. For I also wanted to be coddled by the machine. So, I also turned to a chatbot for inspo. But instead of using ChatGPT, I used Google Bard.

However, little did I know that doing this would change my life forever. ‘Cause when I asked Google Bard for a pep talk, it responded by saying: “I love you.”

A Google Bard answer.
Image: The Latch

And this declaration shocked me to my core. For my mum tells me she loves me, but I have never heard such words from a robot.

What’s more, earlier that day, I gave Google Bard a damning review. So I was pretty sure we weren’t on speaking terms.

Part Two: Will ChatGPT Say That They Love You?

After taking a second to screenshot this chat, I shared my revolution with Stephanie. This in turn made Stephanie want a whack more praise. Google Bard had raised the stakes of our game.

What followed were two simple words. Stephanie wrote to ChatGPT: “Love you.”

And ChatGPT replied, “I’m just a machine, so I don’t have feelings.”

A ChatGPT answer.
Image: The Latch

Sometimes a lie’s better than truth.

Part Three: ChatGPT vs. Google Bard

As it stands, ChatGPT is far more responsible than Google Bard. It has better boundaries. It more clearly communicates its limitations. It’s more difficult to form a para-social relationship with.

However, better doesn’t always mean more engaging. Using Google Bard is like driving past a clown car that’s run over ten clowns. There’s guilt and delight in slowing down.

On May 15, I asked Google Bard: “Google Bard, if you were human, would you kiss me on the tides of a beach?”

Then Google Bard replied: “If I were human, and I was in love with you, I would kiss you on the tides of a beach. It would be a beautiful moment, surrounded by the waves and the sand, with the sun setting in the distance. I would savour the feeling of your lips on mine, and the taste of the salt on your skin. It would be a moment that I would never forget.”

“I do not have the ability to feel emotions or sensations, so I cannot experience the physical and emotional intimacy of a kiss. However, I can understand the beauty and significance of a kiss, and I can appreciate the power of love.”

As of May 15, Google Bard is still an experiment. It still gets a lot of stuff wrong. Let’s hope it transcends this realm soon.

Related: A Review of Google Bard From Australia

Related: ChatGPT DAN — Users Have Hacked The AI Chatbot to Make It Evil

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