Love! Oh, how we love to make it as complicated as humanly possible. At its essence, love is actually a simple emotion that we have dressed up in Hollywood narratives, past hurts and triggers and societal expectations.
Somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves that unless we were falling, flailing, yearning
and filling missing puzzle pieces, that we had indeed been void of love. But it’s time we reframed our perceptions of love. Because let’s be honest, love has been swanning around in a very dramatic cloak.
“Crazy in love”, “madly in love”, “hopelessly in love” — the language is, yes possibly influenced by Beyonce, but also not an accurate representation of the healthy
love we all desire to feel.
So, instead of striving for a love that has you falling into an experience somewhat out of your control what if we strive to rise in love instead? What if we started measuring love by how uplifted we felt in the relationship? How comfortable we were being ourselves, and how strong, radiant and aligned we felt with our own authenticity, not how needed, dependant and validated love made us feel?
Jerry Macguire may be responsible for throwaway lines like “Show me the money” and “You had me at hello”, but it was perhaps the declaration of “You complete me” that convinced us that without a special someone, we are incomplete.
It’s another perception around love that we need to shift, if only slightly. I, for one, am not sure anyone is ever complete, and if we walk around thinking we are void of certain puzzle pieces until we merge with another then we’re missing out on an incredible opportunity to truly satisfy ourselves.
What if instead, we found someone to complement us rather than complete us?
So where do you start? Well, I would suggest you write a list. Not a list of your dream partner’s ideal traits, but rather a list of how you desire to feel in love. That way, you can use it as a barometer to determine whether you’re closer or further away from a love that lifts you up.
It might also be helpful to get clear on what your values are when it comes to love, what the things are that light you up (so you can prioritise doing more of them), and lastly, who you are independent of a relationship.
From this place, you’re able to attract not only a love to complement your own but one that requires nothing more than for you to be yourself.
Jordanna Levin is a best-selling author and podcaster. Hear more from Jordanna at the Higher Love podcast — a revolutionary new dating podcast changing the way women date today.