Time marches forward in an infinite, cold, and uncaring fashion, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. For instance, if time didn’t do this, we might not have any Australian Christmas catalogues from the 1980s, and 1990s to LOL over. And some of these catalogues are an utter buckwild joy.
Don’t believe me? Well then, let’s dive into reviewing some Australian Christmas catalogues to sway your Scrooge-esque heart. So, without any further ado, here are a bunch of Aussie Xmas ads from the days of yonder.
MYER Christmas Catalogue — 1987
I now fervently believe that 1987 was a perfect year and, no, I won’t acknowledge any evidence to the contrary. This is because that year MYER was selling Garfield-shaped backpacks for $49.95.
Adjusted for inflation, these bad boys would now go for around a whopping $128.49. However, I have a hunch that if every child was given one of these, the Earth would immediately become a utopia.
Speaking of bags, you’d need one full of cash to score a Sharp Digital VHS machine. These tape players could search for nine TV channels, had an autoplay feature, and would cost over $3300 if they were released today.
I award MYER’s 1987 Christmas catalogue a Garfield/10.
Paramount Christmas Ad — 1971
“This is the one to give him for Christmas,” said a 1971 People magazine ad. “Up-Trend. Paramount’s newest body shirt to hit the big time.”
Now, I must admit, I have no idea what makes an “Up-Trend” shirt different from a regular shirt. Nor do I know what differentiates a “body shirt” from a regular shirt.
However, I do know this: That orange snake-skinned shirt is sick as heck. Moreover, so is the mo and the yellow scarf. If I were to wear this man’s ensemble to a wedding or a funeral, I know I’d be the big-time talk of the town.
The ad continues: “Casual or not so casual, Up-Trend gets him there brilliantly. He’ll like it every bit as much as you’ll like what it does for him.”
I award Paramount’s 1971 Christmas ad an Up-Trend/10
David Jones’ Christmas Catalogue — 1996
Back in the day, David Jones was as good a place as any to purchase your PS1 games. And just like any other game retailer of that era, they were selling Crash Bandicoot on disk for a massive $99.95. In today’s cash, that would be around $178.00.
However, the dopamine hit of unwrapping this on Christmas would’ve been worth the price of admission. There was nothing better than popping a fresh case and feeling the joy of failing a video game. I award David Jones’ 1996 Christmas catalogue a 1996/10.