A simple conversation can change a life. This year, Suicide Prevention Day falls on Tuesday, September 10 while R U OK? Day falls on Thursday, September 12. It’s the perfect time to check in with a friend, family member or colleague to see how they are travelling after a tumultuous 2020.
Collectively, our mental health has taken a battering this year — from bushfires to the pandemic and associated isolation — so asking “Are you OK?” is a great way to start a much-needed conversation.
Alongside this conversation starter, there are several other questions you can pose to dig deeper. Psychologist Amelia Twiss, from Twiss Psychology Group, recommends following it up with some open-ended questions.
“Use open rather than closed questions as open questions encourage a more detailed response,” Twiss said. “Starting your question with ‘how’ or ‘what’ creates the opportunity for a conversation to happen rather than eliciting a one-word response.”
Following up your first query with the below counter questions will help elicit a deeper response and subsequent conversation.
— How have you been this week?
— How are you feeling about the coronavirus situation?
— How are you finding working from home?
— I noticed you’ve been a bit quiet lately, how are you today?
— What are you doing for exercise at the moment?
Encouraging someone to open up and be vulnerable about how they feel can be daunting and a little scary for them, so in turn, try to be honest in return about how you have been feeling. You can’t expect someone to answer truthfully when you breeze over the same question.
“Being open about how you have been helps you connect with others and create space for an open conversation to happen,” Twiss said. “If someone asks you how you are, take a moment to respond honestly.
“Go beyond ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’. Giving a little more to the other person can open the conversation for them to be more honest about how they are feeling. By being vulnerable yourself, you create a safe place for a more real chat.”
Given the personal nature of the conversation, try to be gentle and take it slow. Mental health charity R U OK? recommends listening, encouraging action and checking in during the days after the conversation.
And, whatever their answers, try not to go into problem-solving mode. Some things might not have a clear fix or even if they do, your pal might need to talk it through before taking action.
“Listen without judgment and without trying to problem-solve the situation,” Twiss said. “Validate what they say by acknowledging their experience. For example, saying ‘That sounds really hard’ validates their experience.
“Saying something like ‘Just focus on the positive’ isn’t helpful as it diminishes the other person’s experience. Let them know you are listening and ask if they want help or support. If you think someone is struggling, ask if they need help. Let them know you will check in with them again in a few days and make sure you follow up.”
“We’re all somewhere along the mental wellbeing continuum on any given day — sharing life’s ups and downs brings us closer.”
We all have to look out for our own mental health and those around us. Check in on your mates and family today and let them know you’re there for them. Sending you all a big ol’ virtual hug. R U OK?
If you or anyone you know is struggling and needs support, call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14, both of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7. You can also speak with someone confidentially at Headspace by calling 1800 650 890 or chat online here.
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